My favorite one I've seen so far: "I collect actual garbage to put behind your favorite TV and movie stars, and when my boss asks if I have anything else I can put behind them, I turn out my pockets and shrug like a Dickensian street urchin."
I solve problems using wads of tape, bits of cloth, crunched-up tinfoil, occasional hunks of metal, clothespins and styrofoam, lots of styrofoam.
I push a little red button. Or I yell at people to do it for me.
I look through hundreds of hours of footage of people getting ready on set while the camera runs, trying to find the 3 seconds of footage that someone else thinks is ideal, and then when I finally get every shot they need in the right order, someone else gets the credit.
I'm the person who makes talent good. Even though many think that because most eomen fo it on themselves that it cant be that big of a deal.
I move snacks and pieces of paper from place to place. Sometimes there are people and equipment attached to those snacks and pieces of paper.
I run back and forth between an area that looks like a yard sale and two people sitting on boxes next to a hunk of metal and glass. Occasionally I smack a couple of pieces of wood together in between the hunk of metal and glass and a talking prop.
I am a professional problem solver
I attach small electronics under peoples clothing so that I can listen in and record their conversations.
I ferry people back and forth from the bathroom to set like a glorified hall monitor and guard really tall lights like a bouncer.
I pick things up, then put them down
I plan everybody's movements for weeks in advance and then manage everybody's emotions when nothing goes as planned. I also take the blame for everything, eat last.